Thursday, May 13, 2010

Is anyone married who has completely different interests than their spouse?

Basically everything that I grew up on and love, my boyfriend has no interest in. Travelling, boating, moving out of this god forsaken state..





I love him but is it too hard to change someone? Am I better finding someone who already loves these things?


We are 24 and it's a serious relationship but I just don't want to waste time if it can never work out..


What do you think?Is anyone married who has completely different interests than their spouse?
There's having different interests, and there's having different life goals. Sounds to me that you and your significant other have different goals, which is a real problem. Moving out of your state is not really an ';interest'; - it's a goal. If you want to move and he wants to stay - this alone makes you incompatible, unless one of you is willing to change your goal. Different interests can be dealt with by cultivating outside friendships; it certainly helps to have SOME things in common, but there's nothing wrong with pursuing separate interests as well (you like to travel, he doesn't - find a travel companion: a girlfriend, your sister, your mom, etc; he loves football and you don't - he can watch football with his buddies and leave you out of it). However, having opposite goals is a much more serious problem.Is anyone married who has completely different interests than their spouse?
Well, it sounds like you're pretty negative about it. Lots of couples have really different interests and it works out fine. They just use that as their ';apart'; time and do things with friends or family. Sounds like you're fed up and wanting him to change, but he'll only do that if he wants to. The part about wanting to move might be a deal-breaker, considering you are also very negative about where you live. You just sound like you shouldn't be in a relationship right now. To feel like you're ';wasting time';? You're obviously just not that into him, set him free to pursue someone who is.
I think it's easier to have a relationship with someone who enjoys the same things that you do. For instance, one of my ex boyfriends loved to party and every weekend someone had a bash - I hated it because I'm not a partier and my body does not like staying out late but I tolerated it for 2 years until I was getting sick so frequently (strep throat) that I could barely function.





Less then a year later I met a great guy, whom I married, and we've never been to a bar or club together in the 5 years we've now known each other - we're happily in bed at 9pm every night. So yeah, I think compatibility is everything.
My husband is obsessed with computers. He just spent $2000 on a desktop. I hate it. I thought he was going to have to change his pants when it finally arrived and he opened it.


It's sooooo irritating. He always tries to talk to me about computer related topics and I am just not interested. He's happy at home playing video games and whatnot. I'm more of a social person, so on weekends and sometimes weekdays I go out with friends and he stays at home. It works.


He does whine about not having anyone to talk to about computers though. :p
You should never approach a relationship with the idea that you can change the other person. You can't.





What you can do is determine if your differences are so great that you won't be able to overcome them (find compromises). There's nothing wrong with having other friends to participate in the things your partner doesn't enjoy.





My husband is a football junkie. You couldn't PAY ME to watch football. So.. on football days, he watches with his buddies and I do something I like that he doesn't - shopping!
My husband is into cars, motorcycles, and airplanes. I couldn't care less about these things. I'm in to reading, home repair, and theatre. He doesn't particularly care about those things.





It's about compromise. We both do things that the other enjoys and somewhere along the way I started enjoying spending time with him at the car show and he's looking forward to going to the theatre again. But we also realize that there's times when we do our own thing.
I find it interesting that you did not realize this while dating. I'm old, and have made the same mistakes, so I'm not bitching at you. It is when we are in love/lust, we think people will change. Wrong.


Yes, your wasting your time, I would tell him what your plans are, and if he does not wish to take part in your life, then you will find it necessary to end this relationship. Good luck.
Leave now if you think you want to live somewhere else and he doesn't. I have been with my hubs for 7 yrs and we have completely diff. likes. I have completely changed and now am very unhappy.





You are young and should find someone who wants the same things you do.
If he's willing to try the things you like and you're willing to try the things he likes, then it can work. If you want to change him, then it won't.
Never ever think you are going to change someone. Either accept him as he is, or find someone else.
Don't waste time LIFE is TOOOOO short for that

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