How important is it that you have to be married before having children?

Hi Guys





When browsing through this site I often see questions that have been answered with ';it is wrong to think about kids before marriage';, ';how dare you have children before getting married'; etc etc!!





I am just curious as to every ones answers. Please can you explain your answer. How important is it that you have to be married before having children?
I believe that you should be married before having kids. It's just how I was raised. However I know many people who have had kids out of wedlock. If it works for them, who am I to judge?





One thing I ALWAYS advise against: Do NOT get married because you got pregnant. Having a kid is no reason to tie yourself to someone you never saw a lifetime commitment with in the first place. It's one thing to be planning on getting married, or have talked about getting married and getting pregnant is the kick in the butt (so to speak) that you needed. But it's quite another to think that because the girl got pregnant the ';right'; thing to do is to get married. IT'S NOT!How important is it that you have to be married before having children?
Good Question!





I suppose that being married is supposed to mean you are in a committed relationship where the child can have two parents always there for them, that you are %26lt;hopefully%26gt; financially secure, yada yada





HOWEVER, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, I don't really agree that being married is that important anymore. A piece of paper doesn't hold a family together, put food on the table, or give a child love. Just because you are married doesn't make anyone a good parent or guarantee the father will be there for the children emotionally or even physically, if he's the one supporting the family.





I think it's more important that you are financially secure meaning you can take care of yourself fully, bills, housing etc, and the child, being emotionally mature, and committed to putting your child's needs first.
I'm not as strict as other people are about this subject, but I can't help feeling a bit annoyed when children are born outside wedlock etc.





Not sure why tbh.





It's a bit out-dated now, or mainly frowned upon by the more religious. Children born outside wedlock are considered ';Bastards';. Plus, where's the harm in marriage when the two of you will be linked together for the rest of your lives anyway, through your child?





It's also considered to grant the child a more stable life - there won't be any thoughts of parents splitting %26amp; having to switch between homes, and there's a more secure feeling to knowing that your parents will always be together.





I am religious, but don't know enough about this point of view to explain, I'm afraid. Basically, it's believed to be ';approved'; of, in God's eyes or something. Having children before marriage will be like having them without permission, or as a consequence of lust etc.


Someone else will be able to elaborate on this, I'm sure.





Hope this helped.





P.S: Another outdated belief - If a child dies before it's Christened/baptised - It'll go straight to hell. Just thought I'd throw that in there...
Its not I dont feel that in todays world having a child before marriage or after makes a big deal. I got married before I got pregnant but was only married 2 months before we really started trying and was prego at 4 months after wedding. I almost was pregnant after knowing my hubby for a year. He was on leave from Iraq and we got caught up in the passion and he said if it happened it happened and he was ready to be a daddy. The emotional life he had for that year changed him. but fatherhood was the strongest feeling he has ever had. My GF is pregnant after being told she had a 6 month window to try cause of cervical cancer. She got pregnant and plan on being married in 5 yrs when their child is old enough to stand in the wedding and then to try for another if she can.
I personally feel that getting married is correct. Unfortunately, it is so easy to get divorced these days and I know so many people who have been married and were so much in love and are now divorced. For this reason I do not blame anybody for forgetting the getting married thing and having children outside of wedlock.


However, This shouldn't be looked at as an easy escape as it is the children that matter at the end of the day. They didn't ask to be brought on this Earth and it is a parents duty to raise them to the best of their abilities and preferably both parents.


That is my true feeling hope its helpful.
Having a baby is the most important decision of ones life. Mature planning and two parents is how a child should come into the world. My children suffered because their father was not present and I wasn't married. I worked with people as a counselor whose parents were not married and there was a longing to know their father, among many.





Life has a rhythm , with timing (seasons) pairs (male female)


(mom dad) (night day) etc. When a person changes the rhythm


by doing what ever they want without first exploring the best choice, it usually ends in not so wonderful events. It isn't that you can't have a baby out of wedlock, but why on earth would anyone want to? I had to do all the work by myself 24/7. No one to share the load or the happy moments. How lonely is that??????????
I think that everyone's situation is different and as long as your happy with your life and your kids are happy and taken care of that is all that matters. There are so many different family dynamics out there, who is to say which one is right and which one is wrong. I do believe in marriage before having kids just because that is the way I was raised and so far in my case, my husband and I love eachother very much and I think it is awesome that our little boys get to see a happy loving relationship...it teaches them alot about how a marriage is suppossed to work and how a woman is suppossed to be treated, hopefully one day they will make great husbands. Ideally, this is what I think everyone is taught...Man and woman fall in love, get married, buy a house with a picket fence, and make babies. Unrealistic as it may seem, that is what I want for my boys too.



I don't believe in marriage. If you're going to stay with someone forever then do it. WHy go off and get some bit of paper to ';prove'; it? If you want to celebrate your love then have a big party....marriage is an outdated concept...a relic of a patriarchal society when women were the possessions of men..who needed the ';protection'; of marriage to get by. I have a partner...we have 2 children...we love each other...that's enough for me. EDIT...and I don't buy that whole ';you can't just leave if you're married'; thing either...yes you can...you can leave as easily as if you aren't married! Not that I want to.
I had my daughter before I got married. She was actually six weeks old at our wedding.





The main thing I can say about being married versus dating is that when you get married, when you say those vows, just things really seem stuck in concrete and your promise to each other for better and for worse really is even more apparent. You cant just walk out over a stupid argument.





And I think its that stuck in concrete, promise for better or for worse that you really need if youre going to be having children.





I have friends who are not married and they have children together but theyre always threatening a breakup and their kids know about it. But I can honestly say my husband and I (although we dont always get along perfectly) dont think about breaking up because we are married, and marriage is forever.
the divorce rate is so high now a days, a lot of people have forgotten the meaning of marriage. i've recently had a baby and me and my partner are not married. We have been together for 5 years and are very happy. We have both come from broken homes, which can affect your out take on marriage. We are really happy the way we are, and have a solid commitment with our gorgeous daughter. We will get married in the future, but i'm grateful i still have that to look forward too. I don't need a wedding ring to make me happy, it doesn't mean he will never leave me or cheat on me.
I dont see any importance in getting married. It is far too commercial, the point of it is gone, FOREVER, With divorce why bother? I think it is ok now to have children out of wedlock once the childs home is a happy safe one it is better than alot of children from unhappy married homes have. Plus if there is a breakup there is not all the mess that there would be with a devorse thrown into it aswell.
Personally I don't believe it really matters, but it all depends on how religious you are because many religions believe that it is wrong to have sex with someone before you are married. So I believe it more of everyones own perception on whether you believe having children before marriage is wrong or not.
everyone is an individual with different views and beliefs, i see nothing wrong with having children when not married.. i am but im gettin married may 2009 ... but even if i wasnt wouldnt stop me from having kids, i do believe that people should consider there situation before having kids..not always possible i know but like being in a stable realtionship.. just for the sake of the child,, but i have single parent friends and they are fab mothers.. so i believe each to there own and nothing wrong with kids before marriage
Hiya!


I have been with my fella now for 10 years and we have an 16 month old son and a mortgage and a joint account and a cat, and I don't think we will get married ever. Neither of us see what difference a bit of paper will make to our relationship, and we know plenty of people who have been married and divorced in the time we have been together.


We work quite hard at making sure our relationship evolves as we do - change happens (like babies!!) and you need to communicate with each other a lot!


Even when we row, we don't threaten to walk away - neither of us feels less commited about our relationship just because we aren't married!


As long as
i personally don't think you need to have a piece of paper to show how much a couple loves one another. my mates mum and dad where never married and they were very strong couple. but my hubby wanted to get married before the baby was born purely so that we all had then same surname on the birth certificate. it doesn't mean we love each other any less.
I don't see it as that important, but that's my own personal belief. I do think you should be in a commited and stable relationship though.
Who cares if you're married or not !





It's no-one else's business but yours ! If they don't like it - then tough ! So long as you're financially solvent - there's nothing wrong with having children before marriage !
It's not at all.